exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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