PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
