I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
