when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
