How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
