I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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