my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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