his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
