you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
