dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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