I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
