i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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