I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize