Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
