I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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