I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
