The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
