come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
