he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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