Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
