12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
