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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!

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• (477): View more from

  I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?

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