I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
