dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize