she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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