Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
