his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
