i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
