a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
