i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The adults are the big ones right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
