Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's shark week go big or go home
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
