Where did you get a picture of my penis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize