Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
