I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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