There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
