did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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