So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
