the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
