quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
