He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
