Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
