We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
