I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
