Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
