The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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