You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
