how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
