I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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