my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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