You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize