How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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