well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
