I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
