Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
