Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
