U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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