Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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