As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize