I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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