the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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