It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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