Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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