so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
