ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
